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Toronto Indie Week - The Bovine Sex Club - October 11th, 2007

So last Monday, in the middle of rehearsal, my multieffects unit suddenly took a shit fit.
For no apparent reason, it started picking different amp models, cycling randomly through
them, and making horrible noises. Like this crazy "GRNT-GRRNT-G-G-G-G-GRRRRRNT!"
sort of thing. Which, admittedly, was kind of cool. But they weren't the sort of horrible noises
I was intending to make, and really, that matters to me. I mean, I like Negativland as
much as the next guy, but I don't want to sound like them, you know? Call me crazy, but when I
meticulously craft a song, I'd like to actually present it as it was intended. (Stupid tempermental artist.)

Anywho... I took the unit home, swore at it, did a complete factory reset and reinstalled the
firmware and voila. Good as new, right?

WRONG! (Insert game show buzzer sound effect.)

Despite the fact that it had worked fine for the previous three days, it once again decided to
conk out. On stage. Just as I was going into the guitar solo for Chronodermis. Luckily, the
crowd didn't seem to notice. Weird, awful sounds happening during a Nanochrist song?
NO WAY! THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!!!11!!!1ONEONE!!!

So hey, whatever, right? Technical glitches happen. You can't let them get to you. No biggie.
Then I broke a string. The lowest one. A .70 for you guitarists out there. That's right, I play
so hardcore that I break strings thicker than some bass strings. I'm just that awesome.
Again, no big deal. That's what Frank, my backup guitar is for.

So I pick up Frank, check the tuning real quick, and see that he's out of tune. Or was he?
Turns out the calibration on the effect unit's tuner is out of whack. So what does one do
when one is obviously nowhere near being in tune? Why, one reefs on the whammy bar,
of course! If I'm not gonna be in tune, then dammit, I'm REALLY not gonna be in tune!
Hells yeah, mufuggas!

So much for my previous statement about finely-crafted songs.

All-in-all, though, it was a pretty good gig. The rest of the band played really well. We had
a good crowd, and the other bands were awesome. Plus I got to meet my second cousin
who, it turns out, is one hell of a singer.

There was also a certain amount of taunting the rental car's On-Star computer. Much hilarity
ensued.

Anyway, I'm off to Ebay to look at new effects units which I can't afford.

Oh yeah... I also lost my cell phone.



All content © 2009 Nanochrist / Moody Loner Records